I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
