i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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