she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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