she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
