OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
