a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
