HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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