Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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