btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
