Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
