Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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