The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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