i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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