i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
