i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
