There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
