I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
