I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
