Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
