I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
