capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
