O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
