Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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