Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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