how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
