I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize