could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
