I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
