I'm jealous of your bromance
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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