My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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