Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
