I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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