I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
