literally had 100 drinks last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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