Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
