oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
