You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Boobs speak an international language.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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