Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
