I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
