Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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