He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
