is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize