There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
