I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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