actually, I'm a sock model
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
