I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
