you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
