real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yo dont text me then not text me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
