They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
