i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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