you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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