Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
