i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize