I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
