God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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