there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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