Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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