Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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