Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
