everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
BRING THE BAGELS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
