I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
