i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
