I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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