We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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