I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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