I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
