please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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