broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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