Jerry, you need to find god
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
