I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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