I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
