mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
