I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
