So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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