when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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