I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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