meet me or not, i'm out of control
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
