Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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